Singing

All of my life I've been trying to convince the system that I'm as smart as my parents have said I was. It was never really my choice. I wanted to please my parents in the worst way, so I did what they wanted me to do. I took the tests, proving over and over again that I was something the county couldn't handle and didn't understand. So, I had to prove through my academics that I was smart. That I deserved to be in the smart classes. That I need a little forgiveness when I forgot my calculator in my locker.
In January I started to finally detach myself from my parents. I have slowly been trying to change from who I was to who I want to be. Everyone around me has said that I've changed. At least the people who have known me pretty well for most of life. My grades aren't exactly reflecting it, but that will change (hopefully) this semester. So what does this all mean? Actually quite a lot.
In my school, we have started scheduling for next years classes, or will be beginning very soon. Right now I'm taking all pre-IB classes. The people around me are academically serious to some extent or another. For the most, the people around me are scheduling their classes so that they can be IB diploma students. Me? Certificates all the way. I've already written about how I feel about doing diploma. But by not doing the diploma I feel like I'm giving up on my years of trying to prove something. I know this isn't right, but still. I'm not doing the diploma. I'm not being a hotshot. I'm not doing what all the bright kids are doing. That must mean I'm not a serious. That I'm not as smart.
Contradictions. My life is full of them. I'm dyslexic, yet I read above my grade level. I can read music. I have auditory processing problems and dyslexia but I'm reading above my grade level. I can read music. I did ballet for 9 years. That may not seem impressive to you, but it is. Honestly.
My emotions are contradictions. My choice of music is a contradiction to my personal beliefs in some respects. I guess I just have to deal with it. I just have to believe that I am making the right choice, the choice that is best for my future. I also really need to stop comparing myself to other people. Other people are not like me. Other people are normal compared to me. I should listen to Solsbury Hill.