You Should Never Meet Your Heroes

Actually, you should never live your fantasies. Reality never plays out as well and so you're left disappointed in yourself and in the world and, at least in my case, quite heartbroken.
When you devote yourself so entirely to something, or someone, or a group of people, there's a certain amount of your heart you put into it too. So when you feel like there should be acknowledgement for your devotion it's incredibly devastating to realize that, that devotion will never be acknowledged. Or, maybe not never. There's always the chance that sometime in the future it will be acknowledged, but I guess when you're screaming at the top of your lungs, the future doesn't really matter that much.
There's always the chance that I'm wrong. Maybe my devotion, or at least my exertion during the concert, was noticed and so all this angst I'm feeling is utterly pointless. Or I could be right and it was the girls who groped and stood in the middle and sacrificed themselves at the alter of respectability who got noticed and not me. Lord knows he smiled enough to give that impression. Maybe both kinds of devotion were noticed and I just have incredibly low self-esteem.
But how would you react? You stump their album to all your friends, you constantly write about them, you do a song by song review of their new album, you do everything within your power (and wallflower personality) to promote the band and then you stand for two hours in line in freezing weather, damage your ears and vocal chords, and for what? The possiblity that it was you the leader singer was smiling at? You see others, more outgoing, more willing to act like idiots, being acknowledged and smiled at. How would you react to that?
All the while in the back of my head there's this nagging voice telling me I'm acting like an idiot. That I'm overreacting to something that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. That I know better than those girls, that a smile is fleeting. But still, as the Fratellis said, "my hearts all broke in pieces and my heads a mess" and for some god-awful reason I can't move on.
It's sort of funny. I've never been in a serious relationship, yet I know what it's like to feel heartbroken. At least that's what I think this feeling is. Maybe it's only funny in how completely pathetic I am. No, you should never live your fantasies. The reality of it all hurts too much.