I'm currently having a war with my brain (which is possible) over whether I should be excited about getting into Goldsmiths.* I mean, yes, I'm super excited. I don't have to deal with law school, I don't have to constantly question what I'm doing with my life, etc. On the other hand, the visa application process is terrifying.** The idea of having to sell all of my furniture is freaking me out. The mere notion that I may not come back to the US except for Christmas from here until eternity is making my brain melt. So that's why I'm having a war with my brain.
Yes, I got into Grad School. I found a week ago today and have slowly slipped into a state of existential terror over everything I have to get done here in Boston in the next month and a half. Because the thing is, most the big things that I need to get done before I can leave the country need to get done before August 1st. Big things like apply for a visa and sell my furniture. I was so happy when I first found out about my offer and now, while I am happy in kind of a theoretical way, I'm mostly just stressed out by everything. And that's the recurrent thought for me right now. I'm so stressed, I'm so worried, I'm so anxious, I'm so nervous. I'm nervous about the visa process. I'm anxious about what awaits me across the ocean.*** I'm worried about selling my furniture. I'm stressed about funding. On and on.
There is one thing I'm glad about though and that is the fact that I'm not doing anything this summer. I decided at the beginning of May that I deserved a summer off, a summer of doing absolutely nothing. And now with all things I need to get done before I move temporarily back to NoVA I'm so thankful I have nothing on my plate. The idea of having to deal with "moving to London" stuff and a job...not good. So I do have that.
And then of course I do have one thing, the thing that's stressing me out, that I'm thankful for. Getting into this grad program, getting to live in a city I love like none other is a blessing beyond description. Getting there and settling in may be stressful, but I really, really, really, fervently believe/hope that I'll be happy once I get to London. I'm going there with open eyes and no expectations. So let's hope this works out.
*Formally known as Grad School, when I didn't want to jinx things because I'm crazy like
**Oh sure, the first half is easy, but then they hit with money questions and biometrics. Shit get's real after the online part.
***See January 2010 to June 2010 for why I'm a bit anxious about what awaits me across the ocean