A Welcome Feeling

I'm not completely over him. Certain things still hurt, like looking directly at him, but I'm getting close to the place where I'm at with Miles (except not as obsessive): Bitter and sarcastic. With Miles, I haven't really moved past that, but with the ex, I think once I get fully into that mindset, I'll be able to move on this summer (god how sad is it that the "summer" isn't that far away for me.) I didn't cry tonight, partially because his new slag wasn't there, but also because he looked ridiculous. Imagine a hipster, but with a fancy suit tie and flip-flops. Sure he's skinny enough to pull it off, but **Ricky did it so much better. Hell Alex Kapranos could pull that look off with more panache and Alex Kapranos creeps me out most of the time. It was just kind...sad. It also helped that Ana and Heather were being particularly nice to me tonight and encouraging my evil and scathing comebacks to nearly everything he said. And almost everything during the three episodes the club watched tonight. But seeing him dressed like some hipster ass just made something in my head click. Because to me, I'm better than most hipsters and seeing the ex dressed like one, it just clicked. I'm better than him. I'm not controlled by my sex drive* and I'm doing fairly well in my life. I've had some set backs over the past month, but really, I'm in such a much better place than he could ever dream of being in. I guess I'm just glad I could enjoy DW without leaving the meeting close to tears. That was nice as well.
Now I'm sleepy and am going to go to bed. But first I leave you with these lyrics, because lyrics are wonderful.

"Men's Needs" --- The Cribs, Men's Needs, Women's Needs, Whatever

Have you noticed
I've never been impressed
By your friends from New York and London?
I'll level, accusations like the press
til you realise that you've dressed yourself in tatters

Because a man's needs, man's needs
Are found on greed, are found on greed
A man's needs, man's needs
Are lost on me
A man's needs, man's needs
Are found on greed, are found on greed
A man's needs

I'm not bothered, what you say or how you dress
I'm a mess, so you've always seemed inviting
But really, this all seems quite meaningless
And I remember, that you never seem to see

The fact that men's needs, men's needs
Are found on greed, are found on greed
A man's needs, man's needs
Are lost on me
A girl's needs, girl's needs
Just don't agree, just don't agree
With a man's needs

Have you noticed, I've never been impressed
By your friends from New York and London?
But really, this all seems quite meaningless
And I remember that you never seem to see

The excuse that men's needs, men's needs
Are found on greed, are found on greed
A man's needs, man's needs
Apply to me
You say your man's needs, man's needs
Apply to me
I don't agree
A man's needs

Oh-oh! Oh-oh!

*Another thing that helped was seeing an acquaintance of mine's ex (which was news to me) with some girl who is also an acquaintance. It just sort of confirmed in my mind that men really are controlled by their sex drives. I feel bad for the acquaintance, because she's wonderful and the guy she was with seemed like a total ass, but it helped me in a weird way. Mostly though, it just helped to see the ex looking like a twat.
**I just have two things to say about this picture: Ricky looks so ridiculously happy to have his arm around Kylie Minogue. It's so cute. Also, that was almost exactly what the ex had on tonight. Except Ricky looks hotter and far less ridiculous. And a third thing: guuuuuuuhh. That man has such power over me. It's rather sad. :D

Definitions For the Masses

This is mostly just to make me feel better. And in the bizarre case of someone reading this who knows me and wondering why I'm going to be muttering the following word over and over Friday night. But mostly it's just to make me feel better.

slag: Noun. 1. A prostitute or promiscuous woman. Also occasionally heard with reference to such men. Derog.
2. A contemptible person. Derog.

Mind, you can also slag someone off, but that's the verb form of the word. The form that I'll be muttering 24hrs from now* will be the noun form, so need to confuse you lot. Another piece of information to store away for a rainy day.

*Honestly though, I don't know how I'm going to handle tomorrow night. I mean last week I came up two really good reasons not to go to DW, but unless a fuckin' miracle happens, I'm going to be stuck going this week. And I really, really don't know how well I'll be able to handle it. I'm having a hard enough time keeping myself from going off the deep end and the last thing I need is to see them. Together. God, couldn't he have waited another month? Is it that hard to keep your goddamn junk in your pants? Granted, I'm not helping myself by thinking about it. I just have pressure coming in from all sides and I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above the water. I hate myself for being like this and I hate him for being the fuckin' catalyst that put me here. I just need something good to happen to me. Something to remind me that life isn't completely shit.

Something Different

So this weekend I did something different. Instead of becoming a hermit and depressing myself, I went out and did things. The whole "let's do something different" started on Friday, the best day to do something different. Instead of going to DW and depressing myself (a common theme with me) I went to see the school's improve group and then went a 80's dance party being sponsored by the radio station. The improv group had it's moments, but a friend of mine was there, so well worth the whole experience. The dance party was like any party: slightly awkward, but for a change of pace, the music was actually really good. Another friend of mine was there as well and we awkwardly danced together, so it was an awkward good time. As I told my mum it was the first time in far too long that I didn't cry when I got back to my room.
[I feel I should point out that I'm suffering through a migraine at the moment, so this isn't going to be best written entry. I have so much caffeine running through me, it's a wonder I can type/think at all. So yeah, apologies for that.]
Saturday night I went to see the orchestra. The acoustics are interesting in Dodd. The orchestra can be heard just fine, but the concert featured soloists, who couldn't be heard as well. Still the concert was excellent and re-realized that I really do like Romantic/Impressionistic composers. I was sitting with some upper class friends of mine when the friend of mine from Friday (whose name is Stephanie and will probably be roomming with next year) came over, with Tom from last year, and we sat together during the second half of the concert. Then the three of us and another friend of Tom's went and got ice cream downtown. It was well fun.
Sunday was the Elizabethan feast. I was worried that the butt muncher (my new nickname for my ex that I came up with this afternoon) was going to be there, so I was a bit nervous about the whole thing. However a friend of mine was there (Ana this time) and I sat with her and her friend and the butt muncher didn't show up so a good time was had by all. Unfortunately I didn't get to stay the whole, what with having two tests today. Both of which went fairly well in my opinion. But Sunday ended up being much better than I thought it was going to be, so yay! For the first time since the semester started I actually had a really good weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to keep this up for the rest of the semester. We shall see.

Therapy and OK Go

Sunday night I figured out, after some thinking, that I'm depressed. Yesterday I admitted this fact to my mum (because mum gets to know everything) who told me to go seek counsel at pysch services. This morning I made a emergency appointment with pysch services. This afternoon I told my entire life story to one of the counselors, Larissa. There wasn't a single topic we didn't touch on. I talked about mum, I talked about dad, I talked about Sophie, I talked about Miles, I talked about my childhood, I talked about my previous boughts with therapy. There was not a single topic Larissa and I didn't touch on. It was kind of cathartic, just saying all of it. It was also nice because she confirmed that Miles was a traumatic event in my life, that I haven't been exaggerating that fact. The only downside is that she's going to be communicating with Farber. I don't know why that irks me, but it does. Mum came up with a good suggestion though: Email Larissa and tell her to tell Farber that this is what happens when Nore has a boyfriend. She becomes an emotional wreck and therefore should not have a boyfriend who's an ass. And aren't we all glad she didn't have one in high school because right now she'd be at NOVA. I'm not going to follow through on that suggestion though, because that's just spiteful, and I'm above that (most of the time.) So yeah, I'm back in a therapy of sorts. 0_0
Now the play list from OK Go's show. It should be noted that about half of the set list was made up of new songs, so when I actually know what the new songs are called I'll edit this entry with the correct titles. For now most of them will be notated as follows: (New). It's just easier that way. Anywho, play list!

OK Go 3/7/09 Recher Theatre

• (New) Shoot the Moon
• Get Over It
• A Million Ways
• (New)
• (New)
• Oh Lately It's So Quiet
• (New)
• It's a Disaster
• Do What You Want
• What To Do (with handbells)[yes I realize the video isn't from the show I went to and yes I did record the performance I saw, but a) don't know how to upload it and b) don't want y'all to hear me sing]
• (New)
• Don't Ask Me
• (New)
• Here It Goes Again

Encore

• (New)
• A Good Idea at the Time
• Invincible

Until next time.

Honestly, I Was Doing Better

Well...not really. Another barometer reading.

"Mr. Brighside" --- The Killers

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can’t look - it's killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I’m coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

'Cause I just can’t look - it's killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...
I never...

Oh Those Silly Brits

So here' something everyone should know: I love the UK. If the UK is mentioned at anytime, anywhere, it will make me smile. Also, I will instinctively correct the pronunciation of Reading (it's pronounced Redding, those silly Brits.) However, this does not mean I'm British or that I've ever lived in the UK. It just means I know things. Like how to pronounce the name of a town in Berkshire (not Yorkshire, like I originally thought.) Let me repeat: I am not British. I just wish I was.
Also, who goes to Dover and doesn't see the Cliffs? I don't think there's anything else to do, other than go to a museum on transportation. Cliffs and transportation museum. :rolls eyes: Honestly Roach, you just continue to disappoint me.

My Fangirl Personality is Winning At the Moment

This afternoon I wrote the following on my Twitter account (yes I have a Twitter account, you should already know this): "There are certain guarantees in life and one of them is if I see of a picture of a certain lead singer I will start to drool". Of course I was and am still referring to a certain Mr. Charles Richard Wilson (took my 10 seconds to remember his proper first name, I'm still quite sad.) You see earlier this evening I decided to check out t'Chiefs news page in the vain hope that they'd announced some tour dates in the US. [You see I spent a great bloody chunk of time last night re-re-recopying my set lists from the past four years and after realizing I have 3 from t'Chiefs, I thought, wouldn't it be nice to see them again.] All I got was an announcement that they were disappointing me again. However they did provide a link to some really fantastic photos of my favourite lead singer. And Whitey. And Peanut. But mostly Ricky, which made me drool because he looks really fit. Of course later on this same evening I was looking for a picture to illustrate my radio show and looked briefly through my extensive collection of Wilson photos. That made me happy too because I'm still a horrible fangirl. And I need all the distractions I can get.
Things are slightly better though. The weather is beautiful and after a little over an hour of doing homework (Asian Civ.) I finally got to dance around at the amphitheatre which made me happy. I always like dancing around the amphitheatre, it's almost as much fun as reading about the emergence of Communist China (j/k, it's way more fun than that.) I basically got everything I wanted done today done which is also good. And I promise there will be a set list from OK Go soon. Probably not until Wednesday though. School sadly gets in the way of doing that kind of thing. But I will say this: 1) Couples need to not make out in front of me (though I do have excellent impulse control) and 2) The new OK Go album should be brilliant based on what they played Saturday. But seriously, couples should not make out in front of me during a really horrible and boring set. It just makes me mad and nobody wants that. Least of all me, because sleepiness and anger don't mix well.
I'm listening to Magical Mystery Tour right now. Some things never change.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

I feel I owe this blog some happiness, so that's what I'm going to do. Write about some happy stuff. :D
I've been working on losing weight mostly since the new school year started, but a little bit over the summer as well. Well all my efforts (avoiding vending machines, eating Weight Watchers meals) have seemed to have paid off. I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and it would seem I have lost somewhere around the 20 lbs mark. I'd probably have lost more if I didn't have a weak spot for Caesar salads with crispy chicken, mozzarella sticks and garlic bread (along with pizza and bagels) but I'm not perfect. Still it's nothing to sniff at. So yay me! And don't worry, you won't be hearing about any of this again, unless something dramatic happens, like I lose a bagillion pounds overnight. In which case, I need all of you to start looking for cute fat babies. 0_0
In other bright and happy news I'm seeing OK Go tonight!! Which means I'm seeing two bands in a single month, something I haven't done since this past summer. I think I would be more excited if I hadn't been home for a week and therefore hadn't had so much time to think and dwell and become seriously mopey. But still, it should be fun and hopefully the venue is a good one. I've never been to Recher Theatre before, but since it has theatre in its name, it has to be better than the Sonar. Quite frankly anything's better than the Sonar, so...yeah. Still it should be a really great show and I am excited. I can't guarantee a review, but you lot will definitely get a set list within the next few days.
Now for two rather hilarious links: Australia by the ever wonderful Weebl and some very good reasons why you should wear safety goggles. I find them amusing anyhow.
Also I love Dollhouse. :D

A Barometer of My Feelings (aka some lyrics because I can't write right now)

"The Winner Takes It All" --- ABBA

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...

It's Beatle-tastic and Emo-tastic All at the Same Time

God I feel depressed. Thus making it hard to write anything at all. But if I don't do this, I won't and thus the great and interesting Beatles news would never be reported by yours truly. So here it is!
First up we have the degree I always wanted thanks to the Liverpool Hope University: the first Beatles-related MA. Yeah that's right, people some very lucky people get to spend x number of years getting a Master's on the Beatles. Needless to say, if the whole radio thing doesn't work out, I'm going to be applying for that program. Hell, I'd apply right now if I could. Sadly, still need that BA.
I need a new best friend who has Rock Band. You know why? Because there's a Beatles version being released next fall. Either that or I'm going to buy it myself and donate it to the Washroom so I can play on their console all the time. Yeah, that Beatles obsession never really went away, it's just laying dormant for now. Mwhahahahaha!!
Well I'm glad I did that. First time in months I've done something like this. Doesn't necessarily make me feel better, but at least I did it. And there's something to be said for doing something even though you don't really feel like it because you don't feel like doing a damn thing. I could say why I'm feeling this way, but...I feel like I'm being overly dramatic about the whole thing (42 guesses as to what I'm referring to, first person to get it gets virtual cookies). I mean I've never been through something like this and so I don't have any real reference as to how long the healing process should take or whether I'm just being a drama queen. It's just...difficult. He's not evil like Miles and so I feel I can't be angry or upset with him or turn into a villian, but I so want to. I want to turn him into this evil schmuck (what a great word) so I can vindicate all the things I'm feeling because if he's evil than I deserve to feel them. But he's not and so because of that I feel like I'm not allowed to feel the way I do. Angry, betrayed, upset, hurt, confused, etc, etc. I keep wanting to go up to people and ask them how I'm suppose to handle this, how am I suppose to move past this, but I can't because a) that would be really weird and b) most of the people I want to ask are in no way neutral. I feel like at this point I should have moved on, I should be over this, but I'm not and I have no idea when and that's nearly as frustrating because I don't want to feel this way any more. I don't want my chest to clench every time he updates on Facebook, I don't want to be terrified that I'll see him on campus, I don't want a thousand little things to remind me of him. I hate this. But I can't seem to move on. I can't seem to let go. And the worst part is I don't know if it's me, my psychology, or if this is just how these things work. I feel as lost as I did when this whole thing started and I'm still asking the same question: Why can't there be a blue print? I would really like one right now.
So much for not talking about this.

In Lieu of an Actual Entry, Some Lyrics

Adam Ant --- Goody Two Shoes (from Friend or Foe)

With the heartbreak open
So much you can't hide
Put on a little makeup makeup
Make sure they get your good side good side

If the words unspoken
Get stuck in your throat
Send a treasure token token
Write it on a pound note pound note

Goody two goody two goody goody two shoes
Goody two goody two goody goody two shoes

Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside

We don't follow fashion
That would be a joke
You know we're going to set them set them
So everyone can take note take note

When they saw you kneeling
Crying words that you mean
Opening their eyeballs eyeballs
Pretending that you're Al Green Al Green

Goody two goody two goody goody two shoes
Goody two goody two goody goody two shoes

Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside

No one's gonna tell me
What's wrong or what's right
Or tell me who to eat with sleep with
Or that I've won the big fight big fight

Look out or they'll tell you
You're a Superstar
Two weeks and you're an all time legend
I think the games have gone much too far

If the words unspoken
Get stuck in your throat
Send a treasure token token
Write it on a pound note pound note

Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside

Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside

Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside

Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
Subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside

Quickie Revies: Lily Allen

Lily Allen: It's Not Me, It's You is a musically intriguing little pop confection with a slightly intellectual core. Sometimes when Ms. Allen gets up too high on her horse the songs fall flat, but for the most part she leaves sociological observations left to those who can actually do it and just observes her world to very best of her ability, which in most cases in excellent. Recommended songs: "The Fear," "Not Fair," "22," "Never Going to Happen," "Fuck You."

I was going to talk about Different Class and This Is Hardcore by Pulp but I'll have to get back to you on those two. Excellent albums though, really glad I gave them a listen.

A Snowy Spring Break Update

Apologies for the infrequent updates. I had mid-terms last week and how many times you do you guys really want to hear "gaah I hate my life?" Because really, that's all I would be saying. Gaah I hate my life. Except for today of course. Today I showed signs of improvement. You see I watched a rom-com today (Ever After if you must know) and didn't cringe or cry or want to die. If that's not improvement, I don't know what is. And did I mention I was watching said rom-com by myself? Yeah that's right, watching a rom-com by myself without any crying or cringing. Lost sound for about 15 minutes for no apparent reason, but that's fixed. Anyway, I'm home and will be seeing OK Go next Saturday. Good times. Mind you I have to deal with my family and their none stop insanity, but if I stay in my room long I won't have to deal with them too much and I won't loose my sanity in the course of a week. Hopefully I won't loose my sanity anyway. What little left I have.
Anyway, that's it for me, for now. Unless of course someone could tell me what 00110110 is in normal people speak. I never was very good at conversion.
Oh, one last thing. Nikki was mauled by a German shepard mix. Were it not for the fact that half of her body is covered in scars, you'd never guess it. That's why little dogs are awesome.