Mush For Brains

Today feels like a monday. I know it isn't a monday, but it feels like a monday.
I've just properly waken (woken?) up. It's 3:09 pm and I've just woken up. Sad. I think it's the music though. Maybe not. I don't really care. I just don't give a flying fuck about anything today.
My sister is coming home today. Her counselor thought it would be dangerous for her if she stayed at college. Like suicide dangerous. Thing is, I'm angry. Not so much at her but at the whole shittyness of the situation. Why should she get to come home? I never got to come home. I stayed at Stu stuffing myself till I couldn't feel, trying to explain to myself some good reason why I was doing this, so when my parents asked I would have a semi-reasonable explanation. I was depressed so often it was fucking miracle when I felt happy. Did I get to come home? Skip classes? No, because I'm not in college. All those times when my window seemed like a welcome option to sheer apathetic-ness of my life, I stayed. Never got the chance because I was 15/16 and only in 8th/9th grade. Once you're an adult you get to give up. Finally after all the struggling and hardship at 18/19 you can say "Fuck you, I'm quitting." But not till then. No, till then you have to suck it up, go on meds, talk to a therapist. Can't quit. Fucking hypocrisy if you ask me.
I'm in such a foul mood today. Math and it's goddamn idiosyncrasies, Mr. Louie and his inablitity to make physics even a little bit interesting, health and all that means. Really wish we had come back on a blue day. Then I wouldn't be so pissed and bitchy. Just want to scream at the sky today.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!