Doubt

I have been told from a young age by my mother that I was smart. From a slightly older age I have been told by my mother that I am smarter than most people. I've never really believed her though. I didn't get the same grades as the identified smart people I knew and I just assumed that meant that while I might be smart, I wasn't necessarily "gifted." I was lazy and smart enough to get away with that. This past summer though I realized that what my mother has been telling me all these years is true. I am smart. And if you've been reading this blog long enough you know I don't like to compliment myself or give myself any credit for anything. But I am smart. I am extremely smart. And for whatever reason that scares the pants off of me.
I started orientation at law school today. It was basically the same shit you here at any orientation anywhere. Study. Do the reading and do the necessary work. Don't over tax yourself. And read. As one of the people I met afterwards said, I wouldn't be here if I didn't know that's what you have to do. I know I have to read. I know I have to study. I also know I remember the outline of a court case I read a month and a half ago, so yeah. I kept wondering while 2nd year students were talking about their experiences "what the hell have I gotten myself into? Is everyone here that thick?" I'm not trying to diss these students, but the advice they were giving is lame and doesn't apply to everyone and shouldn't be taken as gospel.
I spent a better part of the drive from my grandparents' house to Boston wondering if I made the right choice with my life. Law school costs a bundle and I can't tell if my heart is really in this. My roommates have been fantastic though, so I hadn't really been thinking about this nagging doubt until today during orientation. I know I can't guarantee that I've made the wrong choice until I've been through at least the first semester, but right now things are still up in the air for me. My number one hope is that I haven't made a terrible choice that I'll regret thirty years down the line or that I'll be too scared to abandon this bad choice (and end up regretting thirty years down the line.) But we'll see.