Other Alternatives

I just published an entry about why I like copyright. I actually wrote that entry 23 days ago, but hadn't bothered to publish it in this particular version of my blog until tonight. Seeing that entry and realizing how much has changed about my world view is kind of freaky. No, I haven't started disliking copyright* but I have changed my mind about law school. And I need to get this off my chest, so what better place than a blog?

From day one I've been, at best, ambivalent about being in law school. I was only ever partially committed to going to law school and was doing it both out of a desire to learn more about copyright and out of a fear of growing up. Besides Civil Procedure and being called in Constitutional Law**, there's not much I find more terrifying than growing up. I'm a responsible adult but I don't like to think about it that often. Anyway, my commitment to law school has never been that great. But I had always assumed that because I was in law school I was stuck going to law school and becoming a lawyer. While my other great fear*** is becoming my dad, I'm not someone who likes to quit. It's mostly out laziness, but once I've started something unless it's causing me extreme emotional distress I'm not going to stop doing it, especially when it comes to school. So I just assumed that since I had started down that path, that's where I would be going.

However over the past week all that has changed. I'm currently in the process of, honest to god****, applying to a grad program in the UK, have applied to a job at public radio station***** and have given my resume to another in a different city. Now nothing may come of any of this, a thought that I have to keep telling myself. And if nothing does come of it, then I'll finish out this year, sign up for classes for next year and try all of this again after I've finished law school.****** A small part of me is really hopeful though. I would like to be more than ambivalent about what I do on a day to day basis. It would be nice to be passionate about what I do or at least interested. For me the law has always been something I've been vaguely intrigued by, like biology or the moon. The fact that I tried to make more of it says more about my own self image than anything else.******* But I'm aware enough now that trying for other things seems like a viable option instead of a way to distract myself from my situation. Again, nothing may come of any of this. But I really hope I'm wrong to be so pessimistic.

Obviously I'm not going to know any time soon where my future is heading. Right now I'm planning on being in Boston for another two years at least. I'm trying to keep myself focused on getting through the rest of this semester and doing well enough that if I continue with the law I won't be in big trouble. However, besides my parents and my twitter feed, this blog will probably be one of the first things I tell if one (or more) of my alternatives work out. And then I'll have even more things to worry about. But for now I'm just concentrating on getting through the next few months with my head above water.

On a completely different subject, I've lost a little over 10 lbs over the past two months. Go me!

*Because I'll never stop disliking copyright

**My constitutional law professor, while extremely short, is terrifying. I hope to god I never get called

***"Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms—oh damn!"

****Not day dreaming about

*****Which I have almost no chance of getting

******I don't really think I'm going to be a lawyer, but who knows

*******Sorry if that sentence doesn't make sense.