Prep for Farber/High Standards

I had my heart broken when I was 11. I obsessed over my ex for 3 years. Of my two "boyfriends" something went wrong and the "relationships" only lasted a month or two. I don't trust myself in relationships and I don't trust guys for the most part in romantic situations. Mind you Miles kind of ruined my relationship with Daniel simply because I still liked Miles and only asked Daniel out on a dare. Miles basically ruined things for me in the boyfriend arena because he hurt me so badly. What I find so unbelievable is that I took that relationship so seriously. But for better or worse I did and it's affecting how I deal with Loghman. I'm paranoid that he's going ask me out or ask me whether I like him. What do I do? Tell him that a guy he's never met has ruined any prospect of me having a normal relationship with a guy because I'm so paranoid that something will go wrong, that I'll get hurt again so why risk it? Tell him that I expect him to be my prince in shining armor even though I know he's not? Tell him that I don't care about him that way but don't leave me because what will have if he hates me? No, I just have to pray to something that I'm wrong.

I've always had high expectations. When I was 6 or 7 I wanted to be able to sing like Ella Fitzgerald. I expected myself to sound like a senior in high school. In the areas of my life that truly care about I must be the best. I'm competitive in singing especially. I was mildly competitive last year in band, but I've never cared about the clarinet the way I care about singing. I expect to be the leader of the group even when I'm not the oldest or the most senior member of the group. I have to be. No real reason, I just have to be the best. I compare myself to those who out rank me (even in academics) and try to downgrade them. I know more about American culture and music and pop novels than Loghman. I'm more creative than Kaitlyn. I have more culture and a better understanding of the finer things in life than many of my friends. I may not get the best grades and I may not try very hard at school but my teachers adore me. Or at least think highly of me. Everyone likes me. I'm not unlikable. If people don't like me I figure out why and try to fix it.
The thing is the standards I place on myself are also placed on the people in my life. Everyone must be as knowledgable as me. Everyone must know the same bands as me, like the same music as me, read the same books as me. I'm somewhat self centered on this point but that's not the only thing: Everything must meet my exacting standards. Play productions, art exhibits, books, teachers, friends, the music program at school. If they fall below my standards I get upset. Or more accuratly I get agitated. I want everything to be the best. I'm wholey bizarre.