If...

"If you aren't going to college next fall, you won't be living here."
"Next fall, if everything works out, it will just be the two of us."
Some parents have awful relationships with their kids. My father for instance has an absolutely horrible relationship with his parents. It seems like most of my friends, both present and past, have had bad relationships with friends. One friend of mine's sister was sent off to boarding school at the beginning of high school because her parents didn't want to deal with a teenage girl. Although I don't know for a certainty, I suspect the same thing happened to her. I've always thought that my relationship with my parents, though not optimal, is better than most. I'm not like one friend of mine who fights with her father constantly. As always, things could be worse between myself and my parents. But how am I suppose to take comments like the above? And after saying these things, mum doesn't even take into account how I must feel and starts blabbering about whatever the hell she wants. I highly doubt she would have said something like to Sophs. She claims not to be a pessimist, but I think she is at her core. It hurts to think that my own mother thinks I won't make it into college. I worry so often that I won't be accepted by anyone because they'll know that I'm crazy and have horrible work ethic. I keep wanting to put off applying because I don't want to know what my future holds. I want to be able to keep imagining that everything will work out well for me. I doubt myself and my abilities so much that having mum say those things...it kills me. I know that my relationship with her has been fairly good considering everything and comparing it to other people's relationships with their mothers (like my mum's relationship with her's) and that makes the if's and unintentionally cruel statements so much worse. I know that's she's just trying to get me to do what I have to, but goddammit couldn't she find another way? Doesn't she realize how much it hurts that she seems to have no confidence in me? But I can't retaliate against her. So I just sit here and stew. Goddamn her.