Have Mercy Upon Us

The weird thing about being non-religious for me is that I know a great deal about religion but don't really believe in any of it. I'm a semi-authority on the religious proceedings of the Anglican church, but have not attended a service since the beginning of November and didn't fully participate in the service anyway. So here I am, quoting scripture and not believing anybody up in an non-existent heaven is going to show me any mercy. But in my own weird way I hope that something is looking out for me because right now I really need some backup.
Another weird thing about life is how depression works, or at least works for me. I know what's going on. The apathy in everything except repeatedly listening to excerpts from Vivaldi's "Gloria," Handel's "Messiah," and "Carol of the Bells" while reading Florence of Arabia. Everyone who applied early decision is hearing from their colleges and I haven't even gotten out my applications. My fear of not getting into Mary Washington is mounting as my still uncompleted bio lab and missing history assignments loom over my head. The things that give me any sort of solace, namely KC, just make me feel guilty for my laziness so I'm listening to religious music. It all screams "Nore's fucked! Nore's going through a cycle! Nore's period sucks monkey ball's! The world hates Nore!" So I sit here reading Florence of Arabia ignoring the obvious and praying everything works out. It's like 10th and 9th and 8th and 7th grade all over again. Except I know what it is. Which, in a horrible way, make it all the worse. Not only am I stressed and apathetic but I know that things won't work out if I don't get off my lazy ass and do something about it. But I don't want to. And so goes the Mobius strip of my depression.
I want someone to tell me my life will work out, but I don't want it to be someone I know. I want it to be someone who doesn't know me, who has no history with me, so I can know that it's a completely objective opinion. Not that, that will happen. My luck isn't that good. I just want things to work out.