Dear [fill in appropriate name],
Today I finally went to choir rehearsal for the first time in a couple of weeks. As usually we, the members of choir, waited outside of our director's office chit-chatting about nothing. I'm not the most social person, a bit too shy for my own good, and so I was just listening to snippets of the different conversations that were going on around me. Two girls next to me were talking when one of them, I think she's a sophomore, asked the other girl, also a sophomore, whether she liked the Arctic Monkeys. I immediately perked up, waiting for the second's girls answer. The second girl wasn't entirely sure whether she liked them, seeing as she only knew one song by them, something about when the lights go down. In my head I was trying to pair what this second girl was mentioning to the singles the Arctic Monkeys released last year and came up with "When the Sun Goes Down," and mentally corrected what she was saying from "lights" to "sun."
Rehearsal started and I got lost in the music we were rehearsing, a motet by Palestrina, which we may or may not be performing next week. During rehearsal someone's mobile started ringing. The tune sounded familiar but it wasn't until everyone had stopped talking and was staring at the person whose phone it was (the person who had asked about the Arctic Monkeys) that I realized that it was the Fratellis. I said to no one in particular that I liked the person's ringtone, though I doubt she noticed. Rehearsal continued and I got wrapped up in the motet again, sight reading the part while being the only person in my section.
Towards the end of rehearsal we started talking about scheduling. Our director asked who wasn't going to be available for the Good Friday service and some people raised their hands. He then asked who would be there for the Easter service and almost everyone raised their hand. I felt that now would be a good time to mention to John (the director) that although I would be at the service, I would be practically dead because of the rock concert I was going to the night before. He asked who I was going to be seeing and I said Kaiser Chiefs. The same girl who had the Fratellis ringtone and who seemed to have some sort of interest in the Arctic Monkeys sang-spoke the beginning part of the "Ruby" refrain (Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby) and I said "yeah those guys."
A part of me worried, at that point, that Kaiser Chiefs would only be known for "Ruby" and that by releasing that song they had doomed themselves to being considered a novelty group here in the States. Another part of me was excited to know that seemingly normal people know some of the same bands that I know, which means that they are becoming more popular here which makes me happy. The part of me that was worried is now more worried about something else: The bands that I adore and admire may never know how much I truly appreciate them.
There are so many pushy fans in the world and because of my natural shyness I will never be one of those fans. I will be the fan that waits in line for hours before a show, who will tell all of her friends about band X and that they should by album Y. I will be the fan who knows all the lyrics to all the songs and buys merchandise at every concert she goes to, which is every concert she can get to. I will be the fan who does everything she possibly can to promote band X and still stay within her shell. I will never be the fan who tries to get backstage to meet band X nor will I be the fan who sends letters or emails to band X telling them how much she adores and loves them, how wonderful they are, on and on. No amount of prodding or pushing will ever get me to be one of the pushy, in your face fans. But there are so many of them and only one me.
I want my favourite bands to know that I appreciate them more than words can say and that my admiration isn't fake or based entirely on looks. These bands, who I listen to day in, day out, may never know how much they mean to me, or if by some miracle they eventually know, I worry that they may not take it seriously.
This is my biggest fear: That the people who have helped me to realize what I want to do with my life will never know and until I realize my dream there is nothing I can do to change that.
Very Sincerely,
Nore
Dear god, did any of that make sense? I'm completely out of it right now. Half of my brain was trying to concentrate on writing this while the other half was split between playing Clicken Gold/solitaire and listening/singing along to YTAM. Sorry if this is just a bunch of nonsense I really have no idea where my head is at right now. Hopefully things will start making sense by tomorrow. Hopefully.
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