Perfect Situation

So take me to winter, as if it was discontent I'd see/I'll live with the madmen there and pull my hair/'cause lunacy is everything I need/It's not just that I'm selfish and scared/it's not just that I'm so unprepared/It's just you'd think I'd grow out of this, wouldn't you? --- "Bye, Bye Baby" OK Go
Long days make me tense. Long days with no breaks make me tense. Exams and end of the semester things make me tense. When I get tense, I'm more likely to lash out, to separate myself from the pack. It's a self-defence me mechanism that saves the people from the worst of my anger and frustration. The thing is, most people wouldn't understand that. They would think that I'm being a bitch and a snob. Which is an understandable reaction if you don't know me.
Don't get me wrong... --- "Don't Get Me Wrong" The Pretenders
I had a shitty day. I had two projects due and the music lab was having issues with its printer and there are only five computers to being with so you can probably see where this is going. I have my voice final on Wednesday and am currently working on transposing one of my pieces down a minor third and I still need to memorize the other one. I didn't get to go to my room until 4ish this afternoon and wasn't exactly in the mood to socialize, but I was willing to give up my down for normal human interaction. And then we somehow get to the of how much better the north is. Now I'm not exactly what you would call a patriot and quite frankly it's common knowledge that I want to leave this country as soon as I can. But this still my "hometown" and I think bashing a part of this country is wrong. The reason I think this is because the whole country sucks. Bashing one particular section is idiotic and bashing it for something that ended over a hundred years ago even more idiotic. Just because a place isn't exactly like where you're from doesn't make it a worse place, it just makes it a different place. Mind you, a coherent argument like that would have meant nothing earlier. But that little argument wouldn't have stopped me from the socializing. But then I remembered I had my radio show and so I went to get the key. Key wasn't there and then I realized I had forgotten my cds. So, after looking at the time and estimating how much I needed and how long certain activities would take, I decided to have carry out dinner. It didn't having anything to do with the flare up. Well maybe a little. But mostly I just wanted my show to start on time. Not that it did.
Tell me there's a logic out there... --- "Perfect Situation" Weezer
So, after my take-away dinner, after my multiple walks to and from the police station, after my show, I come back to the room and Allison is in grump mode. Completely ignores me. I assume she's made, but since I had already decided to block her out, and Cecilia's in the room, I don't say anything. But, after she leaves and I've been brooding for awhile, I realize I'm in a very similar situation to one I've been in before with Allison. I have to apologize before things escalate into a fight of who can remain silent and stand the tension longer. Thing is, I don't think I should have to apologize. I didn't do anything wrong and it really pisses me off that I'm the one having to apologize. Not that I necessarily think Allison has to apologize, there just shouldn't have to be any apologies. But that's not how things work sadly and so I'm just going to have to grin and bear it.
But I'm too full to swallow my pride... --- "Can't Stand Losing You" The Police