The Road to Here

London has been making me think a lot. Mostly about where my life is going. My Mom and I have agreed that, based on my schedule, it will make no sense for me to come back to the states until Christmas 2013. Obviously I will be in the States in 2012, but after that it will be a year before I come back to the US. And it's bizarre to think about. Surreal. I've been dreaming of going and living in London for seven years, but I think there was some part of me that never thought it would actually happen. The deeply pessimistic and cynical part of me that basically hates me was assured that I would end up living in DC my entire life. But now, it seems far more likely that I'll be living in London for the foreseeable future. And that has gotten me thinking about things.
Besides finally admitting my sexuality to myself and getting a tattoo (yes, I did that too) I've been spending a lot of time thinking about February of 2005. More specially I've been thinking about how different my life would be if I hadn't discovered the Killers. If I hadn't put my trust in VH1 to show me good music. If I hadn't visited my sister over spring break that year. If I hadn't discovered the Kaiser Chiefs. What would I be doing now if those events, which really happened in very short span of time, hadn't happened? Would I be drifting along, working at some fast food joint because I never found my purpose in life? Or would I have figured something out through therapy and being doing something I care about as much as I care about pop music? Would have I gone down the history path instead of the music? Would I have ever gone to London and would I be moving there now? It's a lot of what ifs, but not to be overly dramatic, I can pin point the path I'm currently on to a day. February 25, 2005, when I discovered the Killers. Some might say otherwise, but to mind if it weren't for that band I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing.
And part of me knows all of what I just said is ridiculous to a certain extent. One band can't and isn't the sole reason for me being where I am. At least four other bands played a part along with two professors, two high school teachers, my parents, and a general obsession with the UK. A lot has happened between February 2005 and the present to get me to where I am. But it doesn't stop me from wondering those what ifs. It doesn't stop me from thanking the powers that be for allowing things to happen the way they have. Because as stressed as I am at the moment, I couldn't be more thankful for the bands and music in my life and what they've brought me. It seems silly, but I really and honestly believe that without them I wouldn't be where I am. I would be in a lot worse place. And they'll never know it, but I'm glad they exist every day.